The Twisted Angel

Desiderata (Max Ehrmann)

2009-08-18T09:08:00.005-06:00

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Happy! Birthday!

2009-06-14T16:48:00.002-06:00

Journey

2009-04-08T16:40:00.002-06:00

Clouds

2009-03-03T15:31:00.000-07:00

Suero

2009-01-02T15:53:00.000-07:00

♥♥♥

2008-05-15T08:04:00.015-06:00

Love is stronger than anger.

I don't even know how to explain that. But after being in the midst of people who seem to misunderstand my personality, and eventually my intentions... After slightly ranting and questioning why or how seemingly shallow and juvenile they could be... And after I engage in constant breathing, calming and control of my thoughts/emotions... That statement pervaded my mind. I was in the shower slowly being awakened, cleansed and refreshed.

Love is stronger than hate.

Why remain mad and unknowing when you can let love make you understand? Why NOT understand when you can TRY to understand? Why wallow in hate, pride, greed, fear, insecurity when you can bask in the warmth of love?

Love is stronger than anything.

It's a choice on how you want to be. On how you want to live. In the end, what do you think prevails?

Love is.

Silence

2008-05-09T15:21:00.005-06:00

The quieter you become, the more you can hear...

...the more you can "see"...

...the more you can "feel"...

Circa 2005

2007-03-20T10:24:00.002-06:00

just got these pics last week. =)

back when i was... uhm... slim?... slimmer? hehe.

hmpf

2007-03-19T22:23:00.001-06:00

magkalimutan na.

In Rhythm

2007-03-14T09:01:00.004-06:00

It's remembering that makes me smile these days... And I am left wondering why I only thought of these now.

I think it isn't much because of the nearness of you. Or your towering height as compared to mine - the difference lessened by the 3 or 4-inch suede stiletto heels I never thought I'd wear in this lifetime. It isn't being impeccably dressed in an expensive barong (which made you look rather dashing) or wearing those shiny, black, leather shoes. Not how you managed to see beyond the drab brown color of my unchic and unrevealing dress and the simple make-up I had applied - both of which seemed to have easily caught your eye and appreciation, thank you.:) Neither is it the gentle, albeit slightly firm, grip of your hands. Nor the mild tugging and the bemused expression on your face as you quietly insisted that I just follow your lead.

It is hesitation, anxiety, and doubt gradually turning into trust. Consciousness becoming confidence. Conforming, then reveling. Freeing the mind and soul from its self-imposed bonds of control. Moved by the mesmerizing look in your eyes. Spinning in exhilaration. Not wanting it to stop. Leaving one in utter breathlessness.

It is like Sagada and badminton to me. A new thing that was conquered. A feeling of fulfillment, not solely because of my own doing, but of yours, too. Simply because you believed in me, even if I was stubborn enough to do so.

It is the magic of being with you and experiencing together what I never thought we would.

*

me+

you:

music-

dancing,

swinging!

A Beautiful Mind (& Heart)

2007-02-11T21:13:00.002-07:00

Nash: You once said that God must be a painter because he gave us so many colors.
Alicia: I didn't think you were listening...
Nash: I'm always listening.

Alicia: Well, how big is the universe?
Nash: Infinite.
Alicia: How do you know?
Nash: I know because all the data indicates that it's infinite.
Alicia: But it hasn't been proven yet.
Nash: No.
Alicia: You haven't seen it.
Nash: No.
Alicia: How do you know for sure?
Nash: I don't, I just believe it.
Alicia: Mmm...It's the same with love, I guess.

I've always believed in numbers. In the equations and logic that lead to reason. But after a lifetime of such pursuits, I ask what truly is logic? Who decides reason? My quest has taken me through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional and back. And I have made the most important discovery of my career. The most important discovery of my life. It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reasons can be found. I'm only here tonight because of you. You are the reason I am. You are all my reasons.

Perhaps it is good to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to discover a beautiful heart.

-A Beautiful Mind, starring Russell Crowe & Jennifer Connelly-

***HAPPY VALENTINE'S! =)

Cheesy Na Kung Cheesy

2007-02-10T21:38:00.001-07:00

Reading a romance novel is one thing. Reading a romance novel on the week of Valentine's day is another. It's suicide! Aaaggghhh! Hehe. Mapagbiro nga naman ang tadhana. My officemate lent this to me. Biglaan lang. And since I didn't have anything to read during the weekend, well, what the heck...=)

"Well, you were honest and hardworking and kind. You were polite and patient and more mature than any guy I'd dated before. And when we were together, you listened in a way that made me feel like I was the only woman in the world. You made me feel complete, and spending time with you just seemed right."

Naman! =)

In San Diego Harbour, CA

2007-01-31T22:52:00.001-07:00

Love creates bridges where it would seem they were impossible.

-Like The Flowing River, Paulo Coelho-

Weddings

2007-01-29T00:55:00.003-07:00

P: "Ikaw lang ang kakilala kong pinakamadaming weddings na in-attend-an."

2005
Mar 11 Ib-Ethel
Oct 08 Jojo-Acel

2006
Feb 25 Romy-Harmony
Mar 11 Chris-Rorie / ~~Jon-Gigi~~*
Mar 18 Errol-Miggie
Mar 25 ~~Marco-Laksmi~~**
Jun 05 Voopee-Mich
Nov -- ~~Henry-MM~~***
Dec 02 ~~Zaldy-Ai~~**
Dec 16 Franz-Che
Dec 22 ~~Jenner-Ally~~**
Dec 29 Mark-Coco

2007
Jan 20 Cook-Karen
Sep 01 Reuben-Liezl
Sep 08 Koko-Jing
Nov 24 Jay-Cathy

2008
Jan 05 Jewel-Maricel
Dec 20 Justin-Nadia

2009
May 30 Mike-Chinkie
Nov 22 Chuck-Joyce***
Dec 11 Larry-Gey

2010
Jan 17 Deo-Juna

*wasn't able to attend because both weddings for the day happened simultaneously.
**wasn't able to attend because of some reason or another.
***wasn't able to attend because it happened in California.

Unexpected Realizations Come To Long Unanswered Questions

2007-01-24T01:46:00.001-07:00

Because forgetting someone is not exactly an easy thing to do... The more we force it to happen, the more we remember.

Because it's difficult to "un-believe" something we truly believed in in the first place... And only the passing of time will heal and make you understand.

Because it's not really about forgetting and "un-believing"... But accepting... And remembering things that really mattered... Things learned from that person.

Because nobody really wants to get hurt anymore... And yet we know it's an essential part of learning.

Quote

2007-01-15T00:53:00.001-07:00

Nil magnun nisi bonum
(No greatness without goodness)

When Will I See You Again?

2007-01-12T07:49:00.001-07:00

Arya: Tomorrow may see us together again.
Eragon: Then I'll be waiting for tomorrow.
Saphira: Tomorrow may come sooner than you think.

Capable

2006-11-24T08:56:00.001-07:00

It's not always that easy to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys. Sinners can surprise you and the same is true for saints. Why do we try to define people as simply good or simply evil? Because no one wants to admit that compassion and cruelty can live side by side in one heart... And that anyone is capable of doing anything.
-Desperate Housewives, Season 2, Episode 10-

What Is Best, What Is Good

2006-11-21T05:59:00.001-07:00

It's hard to hurt someone you love.. yes.. especially if you know that you didn't love him enough (or so you think...).. especially if you know that he loved you more than enough.. especially if you had the happiest times with him.. it's hard to let go.. and you cannot, in any way, make him understand enough why... love wasn't made to be simple at all times.. i thought twas the love that two people shared which was enough.. in the end, i realize that the happiness of the people around you mattered as well..

Sooner or later, the time comes when we all must become responsible adults and learn to give up what we want, so we can choose to do what is right. Of course, a lifetime of responsibility isn't always easy. And as the years go on, it's a burden that can become too heavy for some to bear. But still we try to do what is best, what is good. Not only for ourselves, but for those we love.
-Desperate Housewives, Season 1, Episode 13-

Trust & Love

2006-11-17T06:48:00.001-07:00

Trust is a fragile thing. Once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. Of course the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we're closest to can betray us, and total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned.
-Desperate Housewives, Season 1, Episode 10-

It's impossible to grasp just how powerful love is. It can sustain us through trying times or motivate us to make extraordinary sacrifices. It can force decent men to commit the darkest deeds or compel ordinary women to search for hidden truths. And long after we're gone, love remains... burned into our memories. We all search for love, but some of us, after we found it, wish we hadn't.
-Desperate Housewives, Season 1, Episode 14-

I Wonder When I'll Write Again...

2006-11-03T13:51:00.003-07:00

because there's nothing much happenin...

which is an understatement, really.

nothing much... that i can actually write down here. lest somebody else asks me more questions that i can handle. ahhh... life. could be way, way simpler than we make of it.

simple as...

laughter with g.

breakfast with l.

email with c.

chocolate with p.

taho party with d.

kulit txt with m.

cake with m.

shopping with no one. hahahah.

*sigh*

all shall be well. and everything shall take its place. =)

Beautiful =)

2006-09-07T14:07:00.001-06:00

And Another Year Comes... And Goes...

2006-06-22T08:01:00.001-06:00

thanks po ulit... esp to those who always remember year after year after year... God bless all of you po. =)

globe texters: molang, migiyo, errolyo, reyhun ni emep, mom, ate jane, mamang, kapatid, kuya bing, bie, tita gay, shei, chinkers, jing, jp, baby, ian, morenski, diday, & jojo.

sun texters: manang & mich

callers: dad, bey, che & ate ciel

emailers: ais, coy & mm

chatter: papi

friendsters: ninia, danie, ethel, queenie & vivian

belated greeters: wowie & shellah

to those who weren't really sure as to which date my birthday really falls on (hehe): bammers & tin

most esp to those who celebrated it with me: dsg peeps, bey, migiyo, errolyo, zoe, sunday, rex & monico

you guys made it a little brighter and happier. =) cheers!

Why I Keep Silent

2006-06-20T23:29:00.002-06:00

- i got nothing to say
- i got nothing good to say
- i don't know what to say
- i know what to say but i'd rather keep to myself
- i wanna drown in my music
- i'm thinking
- i have a lot of things in my mind that remain jumbled
- i don't want to explain myself
- i'm tired
- i'm scared
- i'm worrying
- i'm in touch with my masculine side & i got my own cave* that i retreat to (*Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus)
- i'm the quiet type of drama queen (if there is such a thing)
- silence is bliss
- i observe
- i'm stopping myself from being sarcastic
- i'm taking a moment
- i'm not ready to share
- i'm starting to losing my patience
- i'm pissed off
- i'd rather hear someone else speak
- i'm being introspective
- i'd rather not comment on what you just said
- i'm a sponge
- there are things that you already know that i don't have to really say (again)
- let's see if you're gonna shift your attention to me (instead of always having it on yourself)
- i don't want to burden others with my cynicism or trivial thoughts
- i want to work quietly
- i want to concentrate
- i'm not feeling well
- i'm searching for some peace (or piece) of mind

(this ain't really a complete list)

it's quite ironic, though, i think... because just when i have learned and gotten used to holding my tongue, here comes someone who's willing to give a lot of pennies just so he could hear my thoughts.

This Brought Tears To My Eyes

2006-06-09T10:04:00.001-06:00

this is a letter which my cousin sent to me this morning. and this is the first time i heard of this story...

Must tell you how sweet it was to hear your mom reminiscing.

She recalled those times when you would ask her to go to SM.
She would say, "ok but no buying anything, no toys, no food. we will bring biscuits and i will buy a drink."
She says she would take you and then her heart would melt.
She would go to the plastic toy section and say "ok you choose one under 20 pesos".
She said Me-An found a toy for 19.95 and the two of you would discuss it.
"koko, this is ok, wala pang 20" (sorry about the illiterate tagalog).
She said Koko found one 20.95 and he held on to it, sad to let go.
Koko finally told Me-An, "me-an i like this one but it's over 20."
Me-An said "it's ok, i'll give you one peso"
Me-An gave the peso to your mom and asked if ok for koko to get his toy.

Your mom had tears in her eyes.
She took off her glasses.

Tears of joy.
Tears of pride.
Tears of happiness.

It was soooooooooo nice!

love ya,
Ila

The Lighter, The Darkest

2006-05-24T09:39:00.001-06:00

For Everything I Am
(Christian Bautista)

I may not be beside you every day
I may run out of tender words to say
Can't promise you the world
When all I have is love
Only love

*
I may not be the one you're thinking of
I may not fit your perfect dreams of love
One thing I know for sure
And you can rest assure
My love is always yours

**
Oh baby
Won't you look into my eyes and see
Beyond the things I'm not
There's love inside of me
Just love me for all the things I am, love me
The lighter side, the darkest side
Try to love me for everything I am

(repeat *, **)

You, you've been inside
You've seen the darkest side of me
I've shown you everything I am, everything..

(repeat **)

The lighter side, the darkest side
Try to love me for everything I am

Rainy

2006-05-12T17:05:00.001-06:00

yeah, it's cooler. but somehow i ain't really looking forward to the rainy season. it gives me a weird feeling. last monday, the thought of being alone during a stormy night scared me. yesterday, i was just waiting for a ride to the office and i felt sad. really sad. :(

unusually sad.

i was just browsing through some blogs.. then suddenly the tears were trickling down my cheeks.

i dunno..

it's just different. but different is nice and makes you happy. and yet it sometimes makes you yearn for what you've been used to. even if you know that it ain't there anymore. so here you are adjusting with what's different. and it's not easy. because it makes you do things that you don't normally do. not just makes, but rather demands. which leaves you to further think if you can cope and live up to those expectations.

but whose expectations should i satisfy? why do i feel like i'm not up to the challenge? why does it feel like every step i make is a wrong one? how come everything i do ain't enough?

how can you please the two people you love most when they seem to be at opposite ends? and how difficult is it to be in their midst?

...

i can only do this much.

Again, Again, Again

2006-04-21T19:49:00.001-06:00

that's 1 place off my list. #9's gonna have to wait.

and i'm not gonna end up at just one place that i've been to before. woohoo! =)

well, it's ~~good~~ great! to look at the brighter side of things. =)

(dsg team is going to corregidor soon! =))

Sigh

2006-04-05T15:13:00.001-06:00

that's 2 places (~~off~~) ^still on^ my list. =( #8 & #9 would have to wait, then.

and i'm gonna end up going to just one place that i've been to before. =(

well, let's just look at the brighter side of things...

1st Quarter

2006-03-31T08:10:00.001-07:00

in the past 3 months, i..

..have been deliquent in blogging.
..went to San Isidro, Nueva Ecija GK Batang Bayani site.
..bought 3 books, all of which i've started yet not finished.
..got sick for 8 straight days because i got this and this (thus, consumed 6 days of sick leave. the 2 remaining days were part of a weekend.)
..lost weight and then gained it again.
..bought 2 satin bags and a pair of strappy heels.
..finally went to confession (after 3 years of not doing so).
..attended 3 weddings:
>>>Romy-Harmony
>>>Chris-Rorie
>>>Errol-Miggie (more pics to follow)
..consumed 5 VLs (out of 12), all of which i used for all those weddings i attended.
..watched 5 or 6 movies.
..ate numerous brekkies after work. even a couple of dinners before work.
..missed a lot of choir.
..had confused and pressure-laden days.
..became a happy gilmoore girl.
..heard mass at the Edsa Shrine during a couple of special days.
..went to the GK Batang Bayani Heroes Dinner at Kamay Kainan in Greenhills.
..met a lot of KFC full-timers and Couple Coordinators.
..encountered a problem that i thought i wouldn't go through at all.
..went to IO at the ABS-CBN compound for a somewhat bridal shower for miggie.
..had sleepless VL nights making wedding souvenirs and misalettes.
..spent days and days of happiness with my 3 'bestest' friends here sa subdivision.
..walked down the aisle... as maid of honor (and was, unfortunately, not that confident about it).
..saw my pretty migiyo walk down the aisle.
..heard my migiyo! (migiyey!) and errolyo! cry out to the world how much they both love each other.
..attended Lian's kiddie bday party in McDo.
..was treated to sauna & massage.
..gave in to a request to make breakfast.
..got a Sun sim and this.
..bonded with my mom & bro when we all went to church, had breakfast at jollibee, had lunch at chef d'angelo, and watched a movie in smf.
..stared at 2 suitcases off to chicago.. and i remembered (or missed) that feeling i had almost 2 years ago.
..had thursday arguments 3 weeks in a row.
..wore my first GK Batang Bayani shirt.
..listened to another fave song over and over again.

wala lang! =)

Somewhere, Somehow =)

2006-03-30T16:34:00.001-07:00

Put Your Records On
(Corinne Bailey Rae)

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Go, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sombre and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the road side,
(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Gotta love that afro hairdo.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?

Go, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Just more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer.
Do what you want to.

Go, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Go, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Oh, You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

2006-02-28T15:10:00.001-07:00

and i thought it would've been easier the next time around...

why does it always have to be a struggle? why do you always have to fight for it?

when i always end up losing (them), anyway...

oh why is nothing ever easy?

:'(

2006-01-13T13:12:00.001-07:00

my ultimate dream was to sing..to be a part of a prestigious choir..to travel. a dream left unfulfilled. and the reason why i get teary-eyed when i listen to a group making beautiful music. because life is not just listening to beautiful music. but in the making of it.

*just a thought i had while listening to the music of Hangad and the UP Madrigal Singers.

Puro Pictures

2006-01-12T08:37:00.001-07:00

listening to: hangad
eating: fish crackers
drinking: iced tea
thinking of: wouldn't you like to know? =)
supposed to be: working

siguro dapat may photoblog nalang ako. hehe. aint got much to write about. as they say, let em pictures speak for emselves. =)

*a little before christmas >> 23dec2005
*christmas eve & new year's eve
*new year's day
*starbucks >> 07jan2006
*lazy sunday too >> 08jan2006

***
wanted to post this dati pa but completely forgot all about it. i just liked this song. parang christmas song pero hindi. =)

Your Home Is In My Heart
(Boyz II Men & Chante Moore)

Even from across the sea (so far across the sea)
I can hear you calling me (baby come to me)
Destiny controls the air (no matter where you are)
Dream and dare to love again (your home is in my heart)

I know the way I feel 'bout you won't pass
Oh yes, it's gonna last, and stand the test of time
So your search for love is about to end
Your future holds a place where true love begins

Even from across the sea (so far across the sea)
I can hear you calling me (baby come to me)
Destiny controls the air (no matter where you are)
Dream and dare to love again (your home is in my heart)

Take a romantic journey.
Just start at the beginning
You wonder where you're goin' till you're there
Is it just physical, or is it lasting love?
Please don't give up
We won't know unless we try. So far...

Even from across the sea (so far across the sea)
I can hear you calling me (baby come to me)
Destiny controls the air (no matter where you are)
Dream and dare to love again (your home is in my heart)

Oh, fly (Fly)
(Don't be afraid to fall) Don't be afraid to fall.
(to love) to love

Even from across the sea (so far across the sea)
I can hear you calling me (maybe come to be)
Destiny controls the air (no matter where you are)
Dream and dare to love again (your home is in my heart)

Pictures Galore

2005-12-14T16:57:00.001-07:00

*sagada >> 28-31 october 2005
*galera >> 4-6 november 2005
*huling hirit >> 11 november 2005
*srcc.enchanted.saisaki >> 09 december 2005
*info.cena.havana >> 11 december 2005
*feeling ny >> 12 december 2005

Merry Ba Ang Christmas?

2005-12-07T07:06:00.001-07:00

listening to: Umagang Kay Ganda (Passage) --> w/c reminds me of 6-pack & sagada
eating: pasencia --> w/c reminds me of papi jec & yeah, i need patience today
still eating: haw flakes --> w/c reminds me of darling mark & sagada
thinking of: how i'm gonna survive double shift today (9pm-6am & 6am-3pm)
excited about: EK on friday!
wearing: my olive green dress & black roxy slippers

***
dreamt of C the other day. he was giving me a sleeping pill. weird, huh?

the interpretation ain't that weird, though. =)
sleeping - may be synonymous with death in that it beckons renewal and new beginnings
pill - signifies a restoration of your inner harmony. it is a period of healing and an end to those negative ideas in your mind.

***
will add more thoughts later... ;)

Bigla Ko Lang Naisip

2005-12-01T17:05:00.001-07:00

minsan nakapag-isip ka na. nadama mo na ang lahat ng dapat maramdaman... galit... inis... lungkot... awa sa sarili... pagkayamot... pilit na pag-iintindi... pag-unawa sa mga tila ipinahihiwatig ng mundo sa 'yo... tapos nakita mo ang mga bagay na maaari mong gawin. at ika'y nagpasya. nagkaron ng paninindigan. na para sa iyong sarili ay di na talaga maaantig pa. para sa 'yo, tapos na ang lahat.

hanggang sa sabihin mo na ito sa taong maaapektuhan nito. para sa kanila, nag-uumpisa pa lang ang dapat pag-isipan. mararamdaman pa lang ang dapat maramdaman. pero pano pa? may oras ka bang binigay sa kanila? oras para mag-isip... oras para pagnilay-nilayan pa ang lahat ng narinig nila mula sa 'yo? wala. dahil inunahan mo na. tinuldukan mo na ang lahat.

pano pala ang nasasaisip ng kausap mo? sa mga oras na yun, wala na siyang magawa kundi tanggapin ang lahat. lunukin nalang ang mga salitang nais pa pala niyang sambitin.

naisip ko... tama ba yun? eh pano kung mali pala?

wala lang. yun lang ang namamatyagan ko sa oras na ito. hindi sa sarili ko ah. kundi sa iba. pero maaari din palang nangyari't tapos na.

iba pala talaga pag nakikita mong nararanasan ng iba...

In The Meantime

2005-12-01T08:52:00.001-07:00

my officemate, Y, sent me this mp3. really like the violin parts. as in really, really like it (ewan ko lang yung lyrics ah. hehehe). =)

LISTEN - acoustic version
(Stonefree)

Close the door
I feel a breeze hold me please
I hate to be alone
It's a cold night, turn off the light
Take my hand and...

*Listen
To these things I have to say
Please understand
She left me, all alone again

Clear the room
Of every memory
I don't want our song back on
It's an endless maze
Take away this haze
Mend my heart and...

(*)

Interlude

(*)

Turn away
Don't want you to see me cry
Just want things the way they were
Why is it so hard to say goodbye?
Wipe my tears and...

(*)

So this I ask of you
Please stay with me
Until she comes back
Until she comes
Until she comes back
Until she comes
Please listen and stay
Until she comes
Until she comes back
Until she comes back

***
had the guts to wear this skirt again. hah! after what? 4 years! hehe. last time i remember wearing this was during my practicum days in Galleria Suites in 2001. hehe. i lost a little weight! =) wacha think, huh? rawrrrr. =)
K: bibigyan kita ng gunting ha... taasan mo pa yang slit. (taray!)
B: ang taas naman nyan! itatahi ko yan eh! (ang lolo!)

***
new pc & cellphone wallpapers.

LSS

2005-11-28T11:02:00.001-07:00

i was doomed to have a lonely long weekend by myself. but lo! friends were there to cheer me up. =)

spent the day at A's place. then we became three. D dropped by and we had the car washed. then we went to the nearby ice cream place and i had 2 of them ice cream sandwich thingies. then we bought chicha and went to this coffee place we frequent and had fruit shakes. then there was choir practice for mass. and then the mass. then choir practice for christmas. then sisig with the whole choir. =)

'ere some pics during prac. =)

then i slept over at A's. we got home at 11p but got to sleep at 4a. hehe. girl talk. =) the next day, we went to rodic's in UP. here's us three all excited on the way there.

unfortunately, because of our hunger, we totally forgot to take a picture of us eating there. hehe. then, we went shopping at the shopping center. and i got myself a UP shirt. yezzz... my first UP Diliman shirt. thrilling, getting it 4 years after graduating in 2001. teehee.=) then we watched "Chicken Little" in smf. cutesie. funny.

sabi ni Chicken Little, "Never give up! For every day is a new day!" and that being said after lotsa (chicken) shit has happened. hehe. BELIEVE. =)

oh. and throughout the whole weekend pala, we three had this LSS. di kami tinantanan ng song na 'to talaga! hehe. swabe...

ABOT KAMAY
(Orange & Lemons)

Nakaw tingin
Sumasabay sa hangin
Sabihin mo sa akin
Anong kailangan kong gawin
Upang malapitan, mamasdan,at mahawakan
Taglay mong kagandahan

*Abot kamay ang langit
Gayumang taglay ng awit
Abot kamay ang langit
Abot kamay ang langit
Haplos na dala ng tinig
Abot kamay ang langit

Nais kong abutin
Kislap ng mga bituin
Samyo ng umaga sa hardin
Anong kailangan kong gawin
Upang malapitan,mamasdan at mahawakan
Taglay mong kagandahan
(*)

A Day At A Time

2005-11-25T07:41:00.001-07:00

DAY 1
-cried all day. yes, even sa dbase. lalong-lalo na pag may yumayakap sa 'kin. masakit na mata ko pero parang di nauubos ang luha ko.
-only had 2hrs of sleep + 1hr during lunchbreak = 3hrs.
-G: musta ka na? nakatulog ka ba?
T: 2hrs po. ang panget ko! sobra mugto mata ko! =(
G: maganda ka pa rin! =)
T: naks. wala ka kasi dito at di mo ko nakikita. siguro pag andito ka, asar-talo na ko. =P
-friends were uber supportive. thank you...
P: it always is, beybi. u'll have to b strong. of course, we'll b here 4 u. =)
J: take it eazy ayt? it'l get beter. ei u stil gt me.. try 2 c dis as a chance 2 start new thngz. itz nt always eazy bt cn b more exciting than bein stuk in sumthn dat u feel cuda bn. life gt more thngz in store, once u start 2 eaze up n see, dat it ain't dat bad
G: i just prayd 4 u! =)
-got my new black roxy tsineli. (just had to add that. hehe. hey, i had to be happy about something today, eh? =))

DAY 2
-konting iyak pagtulog. konting iyak paggising.
-C, my officemate, said my eyes were sad. guess it's true about my eyes being the windows to my soul.
-L: dahlin, bago pa man din dumating itong sandali na 'to ipinadama ko na sa 'yo ang aking suporta. sana ay makatulong: andito lang ako. hugs, tight long hugs!
-had a nice time having a few laughs & pics with MF & P.

-my wishlist for the kris kringle is a problem. deadline is friday and i can't think of anything to ask for!
-EK kami sa dec 9!! yey! (r & r ng dept namin) =)

DAY 3
-first thought upon waking up: "pwede ba matulog nalang forever?"
-first lyrics on my mind:
where do you go when you're lonely?
where do you go when you're blue?
where do you go when you're lonely?
i'll follow you
when the stars go blue
-when the stars go blue (tyler hilton & bethany joy lenz)-
-wearing what i now call my "orange & lemons" skirt. not the band, ah. just pertaining to the colors. =) i like it. and so do most of the people who get to see me wearing it.

-excited about kris kringle today. i got cadbury chocettes for the "round & chewy" category. yey!

DAY 4
-only had 4 hrs of sleep because i was out window-shopping for what i wanted to include in my wishlist for the kris kringle. came up with 2. yey!
-P & G keeping me company thru text. you guys just make me smile. =)
-it's thanksgiving... i am thankful for... mmm... hmmm... mmm... =)
-i've been listening to "my humps" (by black eyed peas) the whole day. =)
-my custom message in gtalk:
if we lose something, we lose it for a reason. that reason might be hard to understand, but whatever it is... we just have to believe that God takes away when He has something better to give.
-mejo nakakastress itong si B! aaaggghhh! hehe. i'm not arguing with you! =) B never fails to exasperate and amuse me at the same time.
-MF & P off to galera after work. felt the loneliness again. when at the verge of tears, i just will myself hard not to.
-ate half of my pringles. my official snack when depressed. makes me stop & think that i can't really "afford" to stay depressed. hehe.

DAY 5
-waking up this week hasn't been a get-up-and-go-go-go thing. but initially a 5-minute-sadness-and-then-a-what's-there-to-look-forward-to-today? thing.
-first lyrics on my mind:
without me
how can you live
without me
my world is gone
and you carry on
without me
-without me (clair marlo)-
-perhaps, 7 ain't really my number. =P
-MB texted. and i gave in to my sadness. allowed myself a few tears. i remember the 5-minute crying rule (that during such difficult and depressing times, you only allow yourself to cry 5 minutes during the day) and the you decide to smile rule (that it is not about moods. you have a choice whether to smile or frown at the start of the day). i cry for less than 5. i decide to smile. =) ey, not bad. =)

you see, nothing is ever easy. and you don't always get what you would really love to have. or even do whatever it is you want to do. and things are not always what they appear to be. and i can't say that i make all the right decisions... but you just gotta try. really try. a step at a time. a day at a time. then, you just have to keep the faith. =)

Somewhere Over The...

2005-11-19T14:56:00.001-07:00

God's way of saying, "everything's gonna be alright..."

Turn Away

2005-11-17T16:44:00.001-07:00

if only i could speak to you
if only i could listen to you
if only i could face you

but i fear nothing but the words that might hurt
words that might make the current wounds deeper
words that might destroy all the good things shared

sometimes it's easier to just turn away rather than to face things head-on.

Conquer & Learn

2005-11-07T20:34:00.002-07:00

if there's one thing i learned during the past 2 weeks, it's this: "kapag gusto, maraming paraan.." it's how you don't give up just because there seems to be a lot of factors stopping you from getting there. it's going beyond your comfort zone, walking the extra mile, surpassing uncertainties, overcoming murphy's law, having patience, listening to friends edging you on, being a bit reckless, BELIEVING.

i conquered sagada. i conquered galera. not in the usual conditions that would normally make me go. but i did it, anyway. because i really wanted to.

and the same goes with the person you love.

for almost 3 years, i have held on. only God knows why. perhaps, despite all my complaining, i just didn't want to give up. perhaps, i just simply believed. believed that this was just a test for 2 people who, deep inside, really loved each other but were too afraid to conquer their fears of the uncertain.

there were times when i thought that i was weak of heart. but to have someone tell you that he didn't love you (because he was leaving).. to travel 10,000 miles to have someone tell you that he didn't love you.. to experience a night of unbridled bliss and, yes, have someone tell you that he didn't love you...

if there's one thing that really hurts, it's being denied the love that you actually see & feel.

i, myself, have denied it.

call me foolish, call me stupid. call me whatever names you can think of. i never gave up (even though i thought i did). i believed (even though i thought i have stopped doing so). because i really wanted to (even though i kept saying otherwise). i put up a fight.

i thought i conquered distance. i thought i conquered love. i didn't.

yet, i have loved well.

***

i was never good in letting go of things.. of people. especially those who have been closest to my heart. but perhaps, it is now time to do so. i am not doing this because i really want to. but because i have to. it is never easy to fight for something all by yourself.

to all the people who have believed and continue to believe, to those who only have words of encouragement for us, to each and every one who have prayed for us, thank you po. i know you see things that i don't. at alam kong kulang nalang pag-untugin nyo talaga kami dahil kami nalang ang hindi naniniwala (kahit na buong mundo na nga ang nagsasabi). perhaps, this is how things should be. i hope you continue to include me in your prayers.

to you... thank you for teaching me to love in a way that i never thought i could. you made everything brighter, easier, happier. thank you for saying that i was unique and beautiful (even if you were sober then.. uhh.. soberydrunk. =)). thank you for those unsaid words. thank you for that twinkle in your eyes.

***

badong used to tell me that you can move on without having to let go...

i say, i have to let go so that i can move on...

Fraicheur Instantanee*

2005-10-23T19:01:00.001-06:00

can't seem to take the smile off my face. =)

mmmm! =)

*instant refreshment

Take Me Away!

2005-10-23T18:32:00.001-06:00

29 oct - hibernation saturday...hindi ako makakasama sa sagada.=(
30 oct - lazy sunday
31 oct - special non-working holiday
01 nov - special non-working holiday - all saints' day
02 nov - huwaat? may pasok?? (hehe)
03 nov - huwaat? may pasok ulit?? (hehe)
04 nov - special non-working holiday - eid'l fitr
05 nov - gimik sabaday
06 nov - outing sunday
07 nov - vl!
08 nov - vl!!
09 nov - vl!!!
10 nov - vl!!!!
11 nov - vl!!!!!
12 nov - *sigh*
13 nov - hangover sunday

Mastercard

2005-10-14T15:42:00.001-06:00

now what if my credit card looked like this?

hehehe.=)

looks familiar, huh? (hint: look at the left sidebar)

Really?

2005-10-12T08:42:00.001-06:00

eLa's a-moment-of-weakness bug bit me.=)

Dominant Personality: Calm

Good Traits: You prefer to be exclusive,
limiting yourself to only a few good friends
that you've probably known for a long time. You
don't date around either; you settle down with
one guy, and you never get used to heartbreak.

Bad Traits: You're someone who doesn't want
to be bothered with everyone else's problems.
You'd rather kick back and enjoy life at a slow
pace. You tend to fall behind and procrastinate
from being too laid back.

People see you as: Shy, slow to catch on,
and a daydreamer. People think you're in your
own little world and are tenative to approach
you.

You're Most Like: Fear. You distance
yourself from the people who aren't in your
circle. The difference is that you aren't
paranoid about this.

You Need More: Understanding. There are
other people out there worth knowing. It's okay
to broaden your variety.

What's your dominant trait? (10 unique results)
brought to you by Quizilla

Let Love Do What Love Will Let

2005-10-05T16:51:00.001-06:00

SHOW YOU LOVE
(Jars of Clay)

speak
and say the words that no one else will ever say
love
love like the world we know is over in a day

Chorus:
i'm gonna show you love in every language
i'm gonna speak with words that need no form
i'm gonna give you what you never had before

and you're beautiful
and i am weakened by the force of your eyes
so shine bright
to separate the truth from the lies
i'm gonna show you love

[CHORUS]

what you never had before
had before

so tie me to a tree and let the smoke and ash collect
no, i won't regret to let love do what love will let
and you can drown in mixed emotions and walk across an angry sea
this is the cost of being free

[CHORUS 2x]

i'm gonna show you love, love in every language
i'm gonna show you love you never had before
i'm gonna show you love, love in every language
i'm gonna show you love you never had before
i'm gonna show you love

Only Three

2005-10-01T17:30:00.001-06:00

a part of a song. (that's been in my head since yesterday)
And my lifetime flies but we'll fly farther
Into the night where the eyes of loneliness can never bother
All our dreams of together uneclipsed by never never
And my time flies it's in your eyes, but we'll fly farther
--Fly Farther, Jars of Clay--

a promise.
No eye has seen,
No ear has heard,
No mind can know,
What God has prepared for those who love Him.
--1 Cor 2:9--

a phrase.
Show you love.
--another Jars of Clay song--

looking like a zombie with make-up still on my eyes.

enjoying my 3rd stick of... turones de casuy (waddya think, eh? =))

drowning in my 3rd cup of water.

head throbbing.

eyes drooping.

muscles aching.

blogging.

feeling bad about something.

thinking, thinking, thinking.

only three.

three hours of sleep.

three weeks.

three people going south.

only me.

Different Saturday

2005-10-01T12:46:00.001-06:00

as if it wasn't enough to have a different friday...

here goes saturday...
*got home early at 12nn. (i say early because for the past few weeks, i think i went home between 3pm - 7pm.)
*i had kare-kare for lunch. (it's not something that my mom cooks all the time. made esp for dad--yup, his favorite. it's his last day here in the pi today.)
*slept at 130pm. (i sleep between 3 and 6pm.)
*woke up at 515pm. (i hibernate and wake up at 6am the next day.)
*went to mass (i do this on sunday afternoons.)... w/ the family (i go to mass alone. serve with the choir.)... at the church in tungko (i go to fairview.)
*i had dinner. we went to jollibee!!! (i don't eat dinner on saturdays. that's because i'm busy hibernating.)
*i'm still awake at 2am...3am...4am... (hibernation is gone...gone...gone...)

***
so what's there to do at 2am? this is soooo different. my friends must be squirming in their seats right now. this is soooo not me. hehe. believe it or not...

yup, i put make-up. yup, i took pictures. yup, mejo may mga pimples ako ngayon. yup, i can't believe that a cellphone camera can be that clear. hehe. and yup, i'm still awake. *sigh*

Reason To Be

2005-09-20T09:26:00.001-06:00

...I had to look strong, I had to believe and pretend that I am strong, so that later on strength would get into me. I had to have faith that I could carry on, so that I would...

"Whenever you long for life without difficulties, remember that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure."

"I have fought a good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith."
-2 Timothy 4:7-

Freedom Ianfe P. Navidad
"Raison D'Etre"
The Palladium
(The Official Publication of the Ateneo School of Law)
September 2005

Makes Sense To Me

2005-09-17T09:24:00.001-06:00

you know what they say about parallel lines...

they don't meet.

unless...

you are in the same line.

Cable

2005-09-14T12:24:00.001-06:00

we must love one another... or die.

don't give up. don't lose hope.

Entries Beyond Yonder

2005-09-13T18:33:00.001-06:00

EMERALD EYES
13 September 2005
the green-eyed monster. i just don't get it. why is it so easy with others? and yet so hard to do for me? is that tantamount to saying that i am less important? or is it just so difficult to put in words? why? why am i feeling this? ='(

PET PEEVE
13 September 2005
i never really realized this until now. triggering factor last sunday. ayoko ng pinagpapasa-pasahan ako ng mga tao. ayoko ng pinapasa ako sa iba. kung hindi talaga, wag pagpilitan diba? i remember b1 & b2 convincing each other kung sino ang sasama sa 'kin dun sa isang ride. i remember d1 passing on my number to d2. i remember..blah, blah, blah. hehe.=) kung ayaw mu, eh di wag mu.=)

BETTER
08 September 2005
i'm better today! yey! =)

SILLY
07 September 2005
i feel silly. you give something. you sense that it's not really wanted or accepted. you take it back. it's silly, really. but i miss it. but maybe it's supposed to be that way. i hate being misunderstood. esp if i didn't really mean anything about it. and yet... is it you? or is it me? what am i missing here? sorry ha. di ko lang talaga gets yung reaction (or the lack of it. i dunno...).

Stirring The Waters

2005-09-06T06:46:00.009-06:00

if you don't want to change anything, then just say nothing.

darn.

me & my big mouth.

Never Saw Blue Like That

2005-09-05T16:06:00.004-06:00

this song seems sad. and yet not so. nostalgic. it makes you wanna cry. but no. it makes you grateful. it makes you remember. or yearn for something more...

i envisioned it to something similar to this, which i found on the web. more of the scene in My Girl with the view of the lake from the tree...

Weeping willow with your tears running down, why do you always weep and frown? Is it because he left you one day? Is it because he could not stay? On your branches he would swing, do you long for the happiness that day would bring? He found shelter in your shade. You thought his laughter would never fade. Weeping willow, stop your tears. There is something to calm you fears. You think death has ripped you forever apart. But I know he'll always be in your heart.

Black Substance

2005-08-30T20:36:00.002-06:00

i really would've wanted to post something of substance here. but all i could come up with is my realization about using black shampoo and black conditioner (yup, i used both the first time yesterday). it really looks yucky. hehe. black goo, awrayt. oh, i wonder if it's got an effect on my brain as well (ain't seem to be working today eh). hehe. anyhoo, i hope it brings good results though. to my hair ok. not the brain. =)

survey nalang tayo. 40 questions. (hmm.. may wrong questions kaya dito? hehe)

1. Pick 1 of your scars out now. How did you get it?
right knee. i think i just tripped and fell on rocky ground. oooh. blood dripping down to my feet. freaked me out. i hate the sight of blood.

2. What's on the walls of your room?
just shelves for my books & photo albums. oh, and a smiley wall clock (which is forever set at 1040. hehe. i always forget to change the batteries.)

3. Would you rather play or watch football?
i'll just watch it, thank you.

4. What sport would you say you're good at?
wrong question! hehehe. fishing kaya? nyuknyuknyuk

5. What was your worst nightmare?
make it plural. nightmares. whenever someone (or something) tries to stop me from waking up.

6. Apples or oranges?
oranges. apple pag pie.

7. Grapes or watermelon?
grapes

8. Wolves or tigers?
tigers. i love hobbes. hehe

9. What sort of music do you listen to?
a little of everything. yes, even opera.

10. Have you ever written poetry?
i don't think so.

11. Do you remember birthdays?
oh yes.

12. Do you know what time you were born?
1125pm? but twas dst then. so, 0025 the next day. =)

13. What's your fave phrase to use?
"yeah, right" "wehhh"... i think i need help with this question.

14. Are you a sweet person?
i'd like to think so, yeah.

15. What were you doing before you started filling this in?
working

16. What is your favorite gum?
dentyne ice

17. Fave chocolate?
snickers, crispy m&m's, ferrero

18. Fave candy?
gummi

19. Chocolate or vanilla ice-cream?
neither.

20. What is the first thing you notice on someone? (opposite gender)
i dunno. basta kung mukha shang mabait o hindi.

21. What's your fav smell?
smell ng kape. hehe. ralph lauren romance.

22. Fave sound that you hear often?
i was about to say the sound of my phone but then it just beeps once when i have a message. so that ain't my favorite sound then.

23. What are you thinking about right now?
that my hair still smells nice.

25. What color are your eyes?
dark brown.

26. Have you ever slept with a stuffed animal?
yeah. my lil iskubidu. =)

27. What's the name of the stuffed animal?
iskubidu nga.

28. Who was your first crush when you were little?
this guy who has a name similar to my first bf's name. hehe. i-connect daw ba? =)

29. What kind of hair do you like on the opposite sex?
kahit ano. basta neat at carry nya.

30. Who out of ur friends (same gender) have you known the longest?
uhh... ula escudero, i think. classmate in grade 6.

31. Sunrise or sunset?
both. yeah, beach setting as well. o kahit sa tuktok ng bundok.

32. Where can you see urself being proposed to/at?
oh i dunno. surprise me. =)

33. Movies?
amelie, life is beautiful, the sound of music, the godfather series

34. Where can you see urself goin for your honeymooon?
europe, in my dreams. =) anywhere quiet and peaceful and beautiful.

35. Can you play an instrument?
can i just sing? hehe

36. Band/s?
hmmm

38. What kind of books do you like to read?
those by paulo coelho. uhm, calvin & hobbes. harry potter. i try to read different types of books.

39. Do you like poetry?
yup. wag lang gamitin na pang-bola, please. hehe

40. How do you like your coffee?
depending on availability. pag tipong starbucks, i like it cold (venti light rhumba or mocha frappucino). pag hindi, kahit 3-in-1 ok sa kin. pag hindi pa rin, sige, coffee with 1 tsp sugar lang. =)

Priceless

2005-08-28T22:38:00.001-06:00

...lazy sunday mornings
...sweet corn for breakfast (lolz. sweet ba yun?!)
...misery loves company (2 weeks ago, we two! now, we three!)
...yoda talk (do something different, we must!)
...wrong question!
...synchronized crap
...old flame (haha!)
...cho-kiss carrot cake (sayang di ko nakain. hehe)
...misa sa sto. domingo (ano daw sabi sa homily?)
...ikot sa intramuros
...siomai mami siopao walrus sa ongpin
...fish tayo! (may sakit na nga't lahat eh. ;))
...shempre aalagaan kta. what are friends for(ced)? :P

Music To My Ears

2005-08-25T21:45:00.001-06:00

OM: may hapening b kna lawrence sa sat?
GC: mern.=)
OM: imbitado ako?=)
GC: naman, sixpacker ka n rn e.=)

(read: lalaki na daw ako! hahahaha! ;))

aww.. love ko boyfriends ko. =D

Three

2005-08-24T18:29:00.002-06:00

JOLLIBEE? =)
isang araw nalang...
darating nanaman...
ang araw, lulubog...
bukas, mabubusog...

WEDDING DAZE
11 mar 2005 ibarra-ethel --> secondary sponsor (cord)
08 oct 2005 jojo-acel --> ?
25 feb 2006 romy-harmony --> bridesmaid
11 mar 2006 chris-rorie --> ?
18 mar 2006 errol-miggie --> maid of honor

19 YEARS
OM: its amusing 2 knw dat nly aftr 19yrs dd i find out dat my crush during my childhood yrs actly hd a crush on me as wel.hehe.=) nw der r no regrets. (bec i knw 4 a fact dat m btr off w/o hm & dat he's jst hs old bolero self.=)) jst sumthn 2 learn frm i ges.=) kya pla namimikon sha noh? haha. bulok pla style nya.=) sbi lng nya ang sungit ko dw. yes, i startd early. 9yrs old! haha!=) eh ano b nkkatakot s kn?=) at kelangn tlga mlaman ko aftr 19yrs? hehe. =)

GC: d lng sya para syo. ung para syo gnigiftwrap p, coming soon (o wat a cliche, pro 22o) =) as 4 knwing jst nw, jst rmember dat old sying: 4 evry leaf dat falls..

Neglected

2005-08-22T18:16:00.001-06:00

oh my poor blog...
still nothing new...
neglected...

oh poor me...
still sick...
neglected(?)...

Heartbreaker =)

2005-07-18T16:10:00.001-06:00

sabi ng seatmate ko ganito daw ako...

click me!

lolz! i think it's so cute and funny! =)

ey! i ain't no heartbreaker! hehe. must be the other way round, eh?

nuninuninuninoo. =)

The Sweeter Song

2005-07-18T09:15:00.001-06:00

Captain Ulysses cut a powerful figure as he stood on the deck of his great ship. The afternoon sun shimmered off the water as he strode about the ship with grace and dignity. Ulysses' every move was carefully observed by the helmsman who labored long and hard for nothing more than the approving eye of his noble captain.

"Steady as she goes!" Ulysees boomed, his voice filling the salty air.

"Yes, sir!" was the helmsman's ready reply.

After giving the command, the captain turned his iron gaze to the starboard side where land was just now coming into view. Neither the screeching gulls overhead, nor the rhythmic splash of water against the ship's side, diverted Ulysses' attention from what lay just ahead. The smell of the adventure was in the air; everything was just as Ulysses liked it. Then, amidst his reverie came a voice arresting his attention.

"Captain!"

The noble leader quickly turned to find a worried seaman, eyes filled with trepidation and lips rattling in anxiety.

"Captain!" He again blared, his whole face ablaze with horror.

"Settle down!" Ulysses softly commanded, "Take a deep breath and tell me what's the matter!"

The entire crew within earshot had stopped and gathered round to hear the outcome of this all-important conversation.

"Uh...we...ah...!" he stuttered, "well...uh...you see, sir!"

Ulysses grabbed him by the collar, yanked him within inches of his furrowed brow and demanded, "Come on lad, if you value your life, speak!"

The drama built as the petrified first mate raised a quivering finger due north and stuttered, "The Sirens, sir!"

Ulysses' face drew tight and a woeful sigh was heard about the ship. The Siren mermaids were just ahead, ready to sing their irresistably enchanting song and cause the bewitched sailors to steer their vessel onto the rocks. The song of the Sirens was so sweet, so alluring, no red-blooded man could resist it. Ulysses had to act quickly -- while wisdom still remained.

"Those devilish mermaids won't get us!" he announced to his fearful crew. "That's right! That lovely, luscious, melodious music played by those beautiful mermaids won't have its way with us. No shipwreck for us today, lads!"

But even as Ulysses pondered the intoxicating music, he felt his wisdom slipping. He was gripped by a magnetic urge to hear just a short strain of the legendary song of the mermaids.

"Maybe we could try and miss the rocks? NO!" He chided himself, "NO! It does this to all captains who pass by. They all think they can resist, but then they lose their senses and follow the sweet music to their deaths upon the jagged rocks, while the mermaids scoff from above. NO!"

Ulysses ran to the bow of the ship, turned and bellowed for all the crewmen to hear.

"We are mere men, unable to resist the promise of sweet love in the mermaids' song. The Sirens have baited every ship before us with their songs, and every time the ships have crashed against the rocks upon which the Sirens sit. But not this time, my friends. We will not fall to their temptation; indeed, we will not even allow ourselves to be tempted!"

"I want every sailor to take some of this beeswax and put it in your ears so you can hear nothing. And tie me to the mast!"

His crew looked at each other in bewilderment.

"You heard me!" He shouted again, "Tie me to the mast! And tie me tight and fast!"

The sun angrily beat down as the disciplined crew rushed about the ship responding to Ulysses' orders. And none too soon had they crammed the wax into their ears and finished tying their Captain to the mast, but the beautiful and intoxicating love song of the Siren mermaids began to softly fill the air. The Sirens' song, in all its passion and wonder, greeted the ship across the water as a warm fire greets cold hands on a winter's day.

The crew was oblivious -- all except Ulysses who, while tied to the mast, had no wax to stop the music. Ulysses' blood ran hot with passion. "Untie me!" he screamed in anguish, "Please untie me! I command you to untie me...please, I beg you."

But the crewmen could not hear and had been commanded not to read his lips. The song grew louder and lovelier, and Ulysses groaned with sheer physical desire. He then began to scream like a madman for someone to heed his orders and turn the ship towards the source of that sweet, lustful music. Ulysses theatened the plank, Cyclops feedings, and various other forms of torture as the ship passed the Sirens' rocky coastline, and then finally beyond the reach of their song.

An exhausted Ulysses, his face a deep scarlet from the struggle, finally was untied and fell limp upon the ship's deck.

"Why?" he moaned with his remaining strength, "Why does it seem that the things I desire most in this life lead to my destruction? Why must I be restrained from something so beautiful? The mast is my savior this day from my headlong craving for that sweet but deadly song of the Siren mermaids!"*

--*--*--
Not far behind the ship of Ulysses came another great ship. These sailors also realized the dangers of the Sirens and the rocks upon which they sat.

"Captain Orpheus," the first mate enthusiastically declared, "the sweet song of the Sirens lies just ahead!"

With that announcement, the crew cheered and the great Orpheus smiled. All around the ship, crewmen's voices rang with excitement. The part of the voyage that they longed for was soon at hand. In fact, there were some on the ship who had come along just to hear the music.

With a knowing smile, the dauntless Captain received a beautifully adorned case from his cabin boy. The acclaimed Orpheus carefully removed the priceless instrument as the crewmen stood nearby with bated breath. Then, with princely grace, he lifted the instrument above his head with a gesture of victory, while the crew around him whistled with enthusiasm.

"Play it, Captain!" cheered the helmsman.

"Come on, great Captain Orpheus, play it!" whooped the enthusiastic first mate.

All eyes were transfixed upon their hero. Captain Orpheus took his stance and began to masterfully play the most perfect music men's ears have ever heard. Each crewman became lost in the reverie of the song.

All too soon the Siren coastline was out of sight and the Master musician concluded the song that he himself had composed. Not a single man aboard ship was tempted by the Sirens' melody. In fact, no one even noticed it. Though the mermaids' music was alluring and sweet, the superb Orpheus played for his crew...a sweeter song.**

--*--*--
For those of us who have spent years tied to the mast and for those of us who couldn't bear the allurement and crashed against the rocks, it's time to set sail to a different tune.***

*Richard Lattimore, Homer's Odyssey (New York: Harper and Row Publishers, Inc., 1950), 189-190.
**Facts on File Encyclopedia of World Mythology and Legend, s.v."Orpheus."
***Eric & Leslie Ludy, When God Writes Your Love Story (Oregon: Loyal Publishing, Inc., 1999), 33.

Heaven

2005-07-13T12:12:00.001-06:00

like this song...

INSIDE YOUR HEAVEN
(Carrie Underwood)

I've been down, now I'm blessed
I felt a revelation comin around
I guess it's right it's so amazing
Everytime I see you, Im alive
You're all I've got to lift me up
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes

Chorus:
I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
When the storm blows your way
I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

When we touch, when we love
The stars line up, the wrong becomes undone
Naturally, my soul surrenders
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes

(Chorus)

When minutes turn to days and years
If mountains fall I'll still be here
Holding you until the day I die

And I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
When the storm blows your way

And I wanna be inside your heaven (wanna be inside)
Take me to the place you cry from
When the storm blows your way

(Chorus)

Oh yes I do
I wanna be inside your heaven

***
like this movie...

The Magic of Ordinary Days

Wacha Taking Me For? Granted?! (hehehe) =)

2005-07-10T09:56:00.001-06:00

BIG YELLOW TAXI
(Counting Crows)

They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin' hot spot
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot

They took all the trees, and put em in a tree museum
And they charged the people a dollar and a half to see them
No, no, no
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise, and put up a parking lot

Hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT
I don't care about spots on my apples,
Leave me the birds and the bees
Please
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey now, they paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not?

Listen, late last night, I heard the screen door slam
And a big yellow taxi took my girl away
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Well, don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not?
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey hey hey
Paved paradise and put up a parking lot

I don't wanna give it
Why you wanna give it
Why you wanna giving it all away
Hey, hey, hey
Now you wanna give it
I should wanna give it
Now you wanna giving it all away

Hey, paved paradise to put up a parking lot

*yup, i just watched 2 Weeks Notice on cable. =) i've had the song in my head since sunday, though. =)

Thank You =)

2005-06-26T10:48:00.001-06:00

i found beauty in it. =)

and no matter how small or how simple it looks in actuality... it sure made the dreary, rainy and floody night into a brilliantly, starry one! =) thanks po! =)

Days Of Fear (& how Batman made me laugh! =))

2005-06-19T22:40:00.001-06:00

backtrack...

***
Thursday, 16 June 2005

i dunno about other people, but i sometimes have this tendency to think ahead and burst my bubble. yung tipong pinapangunahan mo na even when it hasn't happened yet. it could be woman's intuition or just plain paranoia. i dunno. or perhaps just a way of staying grounded and not keeping my hopes too high.

so it's 3pm and i'm wide awake. sometimes i have this thing for just opening my eyes and reading text messages that come in while i'm asleep. i read em then close my eyes again. but this particular message woke me up not just literally. and i'm like, "so, that's it!" (yes, just like a "light bulb moment" except that it doesn't seem like a good idea). it's not like i haven't known all this time. you know how people just take things as it is, nodding their heads in agreement without actually absorbing or understanding a single thing? and then later on, you're like, "how did i miss this?!"

so there i was staring at the ceiling. still with that "aahhh...okay..." expression on my face. then i text 3 people and tell em my thoughts. i watch the 4pm CSI: NY on AXN and eat whatever's left of my red Pringles (i think i eat this when i'm depressed. i think). only one response and i get an assurance of "wel tsong, il pray 4 u...malakas ako kay LORD.=)" now if only i had such confidence. =)

i finally get back to sleep after 2.5 hours.

***
Friday, 17 June 2005

well, talk about angst! i could've easily picked a fight with anyone today. it's a good thing i still had some ounce of humor left in me that my officemates and i almost always ended up laughing at my sarcasm. oh and it's a good thing they're used to me by now.

aaarrrggghhh!!! it's eating me up!!!

=)

***
Saturday, 18 June 2005

Jollibee made me smile this morning. i was happily munching on my fries and burger while on my way home to Bulacan.=)

sleep, sleep, sleep...

5pm. "gcng na bebe. punta na tayo sa fete.=)"

i think i wanted to go. or i think i didn't want to go. i dunno. i didn't want to face something. i could picture Jack Nicholson (was that in the movie A Few Good Men?) telling me (well, not me in particular. Tom Cruise or the audience, i guess), vehemently saying "You can't handle the truth!" so alright, i'll stay in bed.

woke up at 10pm, ate spaghetti (would you believe i've eaten diff kinds of spaghetti everyday this whole week? here's to living a long life, ayt!), and drank all the Coke that i wanted (go ahead. indulge, baby). staying home (and knowing that there's some party going on somewhere - which i could've actually gone to) and not being able to successfully "hibernate" just sucks. ugh.

***
Sunday, 19 June 2005

playing Boggle on pc makes you forget about stuff, eh? "the expert" na ko! hehe. hey, but it doesn't hide the fact that i'm bored. so i try to ym chat but the connection sucks and my chat partner ain't online anyway. so i call "my bride", miggie (i call her "my bride" coz i recently found out that she made me her maid of honor for her wedding on March 2006. woohoo! =)) but find out she ain't home. so i Boggle more. and then i end up pestering someone else on text, showing my truly-insecure-and-bored-self-at-the-moment-mode and drivin em crazy outta their wits.

so the day gets a tad better. i leave late for choir. i forget my rosary bracelet. i forget my hanky. i got no tissue. it's raining cats and dogs. it's flooding. it's traffic. this guy beside me (in the jeep) keeps sitting too close to me (it is beyond my comprehension...this "sense of space" for some people. or the lack of it thereof. it totally annoys me). i get wet and walk on flooded streets (good thing i was wearing my mojos and capris). somebody sings out of tune (i mean, hello? if you're not sure of your notes, please don't sing so loud and act as if you know it so well. it doesn't work for the whole choir, you know). others who didn't make it in time for practice tells us (the ones who practiced) to sing in voices instead of just melody (uhm...we didn't practice it? hello? you weren't there. why this impromptu thing?). *sigh* murphy's law. when it rains, it pours. haha.

so when does it actually get better? no really? =)

it becomes bearable when i find out that this favorite tsong of mine told the other 2 members of our "no angst" group about the text i sent him last thursday. i mean, we were all like basang sisiws (bec of the rain) but getting hugs from em all was something. plus the assurance that we were gonna have one of our sessions that eve. oh and i showed em my bday pic and they were like, "w.o.w.!!!" they so liked it. awww...friends ko talaga kayo.=)

i really didn't want to watch Batman Begins. but did i have a choice? hehe. these friends of mine talaga o! crazy bunch!=) oh we were at SM Fairview just passing the time (930pm pa last full show eh)...

alex - hollywood walk of fame
(ay, smf lang pala. lolz! iniisip pa namin kung kaninong artista yang star na yan. =))

lolz! =) i cannot believe that i actually agreed to take his picture (twice pa!) while he was just down there on the floor! he's such a crazy, crazy guy! (actually made my day, pare. but the flying and swooping around like batman after we watched the movie... over na. hahahah! go, batman! to the bat-van! lolz! di ko alam kung ikahihiya kita o ano ba! napagod ako sa kakatawa. =)).

=D

***
some Batman Begins stuff...

"Don't be afraid."

"...so don't come down here with your anger, trying to prove something to yourself. This is a world you'll never understand. And you always fear what you don't understand."

"It is not what you wear on the outside that makes you who you are...It's what you do that defines you."

"Why do we fall, sir?" Alfred Pennyworth asks Bruce Wayne. "So that we might better learn to pick ourselves up."

Displacement

2005-06-16T01:15:00.001-06:00

i'm back at square one.

it's like playing snakes and ladders (the boardgame). and i always get those snakes that make me slither back to where i came from. now ain't that a bummer? when will i get my ladder?

when will i finish this friggin' game?

(you think i'm having some post-bday blues? hehehe. =))

Look Who's 25! =)

2005-06-15T09:22:00.001-06:00

not me. hehe. but i do look and feel that way. (o walang kokontra! bday ko to!) =)

sa lahat ng naka-alala, thank you!!!

texters: dad, lilian, xtin, meanne & jzon, mom, jo, kapatid, ate jane, tita gay, jing, deo (choir), dennis, deo (phs), chavee, bie, romy, baby bananna, dyeypee, che, jec, kuya bing, morens, bebe ally, ginn, sheila (ac), migoy, tsuy, coy, badong, herbert, mark darling, bammers, sheila (choir), chris, ais, brian, mitch (dsg), pia, janice, paolo, chito, bossing roi, mitch (atta g)

callers & (missed) callers: chinkie, ate laline, brian

emailers: pia, jojo, ken

friendsters: morens, mel, viv, bagcee, jacky, ate gracielle, mike po, badong

blog tagger: ruby

***
to my favorite tsong (butac), tin, bam: no angst! hehe. thanks for having dinner with me. i always look forward sa paghatid nyo sa kin, pagtambay sa harap ng bahay at kwentuhan sa van hanggang madaling araw. you made my bday blues go away! and turned it into bday thank you's. =) (oh and thank you for helping me with my mentos moment. hehe.)

to my hs buddies ember, ethel (& hubby ibs), sheila: for spending the whole day with me. don hen pig-out-ing, huning-luoy reminiscing, movie watching (alam na natin yung kanta! thanks to ethel! =)), biglaang shoe shopping, avocado-eating, ooh-ahh-ing at pagpintas sa wedding, gateway-ing, at picture-taking. it's like being in high school again! =)

to dennis: for having lunch with me and giving me a ride to makati. totally appreciate it. i know how busy you are nowadays. =)

to maricon of david's: feeling artista ako! hehe. (you guys like my hair?)

to ember: for the touching letter, my new kikay earrings, the sleep-over, kwentuhan till 3am, breakfast and lunch at cravings.
to ethel: for my new violet top, avocadoes and make-up.
to meanne: for my new lavender pj's.
to coy: for the black eyed peas mp3s. alam kong hindi pa ito talaga yung bday gift mo sa kin (assuming ako. maghihintay ako. lolz!) pero thanks pa rin! =)

to mom & dad: for their endless love & concern.
to koko: for my new mymp cd. and for constantly reminding me how young i am. ;)

so how does it feel to be 2_?

i may look tired, but hey, i'm happy. =)

Dawn

2005-06-04T13:45:00.001-06:00

woke up at 3am and couldn't go back to sleep. i keep my eyes shut and try again. but i can't. i envision a scene in college when i was wearing rubbershoes, shirt, jeans, carrying a beige floral pack on my back (which i had since high school). i stall time. walking back and forth a bit. looking at the payphone (by the registrar's office) and wondering if i should call now.

but who was i calling?

then i see a different scene. of me talking on the phone (found in AS). smiling. chatting. then i look at my coin purse and see if i got enough coins with me. i sense someone getting in line after me. i say goodbye and tell the person i'm gonna call back in a few minutes. i put the phone back in its cradle, smile to the girl behind me, then look for another payphone found somewhere that ain't so crowded with people. i smile.

and i still can't remember who i was talking to...

***
i lay on my back and open my eyes. i see darkness. i hear the ticking of the clock, a lizard tsk-tsk-tsk-ing, crickets chirping, the distant sound of a truck passing by the highway, my stomach growling.

silence.

i continue to stare into darkness...

Something Missing

2005-06-02T15:50:00.001-06:00

FALL FOR YOU
(by NINA)

There's a right or wrong to know for everything
But the truth is somewhere written in between
But there's always something missing in the dark
There you'll find the true condition of the heart

Well, I can visualize the pieces of a dream,
But it's not as far away as it may seem
But if truth be told, it is you that holds the key
To the question that defines my destiny

::chorus::
I've been in love, a time or two
I've seen the world, when i'm with you
I wanna fly and spread my wings
I don't wanna cry, I wanna sing
I wanna live and take a chance
I'm not afraid to love again
I wanna fall, fall for you
And I want you to fall for me too

I've had plenty conversations with my heart
Coz I want this thing to work, not fall apart
So, I ask my heart how it can be so sure
And it answers me because your heart is pure

I have every expectation that is true
Coz my heart won't lie to me, much less to you
But if truth be told, it is you that holds the key
To the future that becomes our destiny

(::chorus::)

Unto the mountain snow that melts into the stream
My heart goes like a river to sea
To the heavens up above,
I pray to God our destiny is love

(::chorus::)

Moments =)

2005-06-01T19:56:00.001-06:00

u hav an eye 4 photography...
(a view from the unit. it ain't always this pretty you know...)

its all g-double-o-d.
(*smiling*)

i can give you the universe.
(universe = time + space.)

u never disappoint me.=)
(never say never.=))

i hav a moral obligation 2 tel d truth but i hav the personal right not to incriminate myself.=)
(i will neither confirm nor deny...)

well it cant be all about looks or brains either. wat u lack in form u make up in substance & wat u lack in substance u make up in form.
(form & substance)

patrick starfish sed dat his mind's machinations is an enigma. so from den on dats been my phrase 4 every1 who's perceived in 1 way but is diff in reality.
(don't judge a book by its cover.)

ano k b... ur a livin breathin being of God. ur supposed 2 b special. gr8ness is a st8 of mind.
(on a topic that i don't remember anymore)

my word is my bond.=)
(on the subject of lying)

calvin is an amazing parody of youthful idealism.=)
(on calvin & hobbes)

difference shouldn't be a barrier but rather a bridge for understanding...
(on the difference in tastes in music)

Ember

2005-06-01T19:50:00.001-06:00

om: ember, am i too uptight? gudam.=)
mg: sometimes u cn be. wat's up? u owe me tons of kwento.
om: wla nmn..i jst duno hw 2 handle dat. sum1 jst told me dat eh. & m nt sur f its bad enuf dat i shud loosen up. bt i wudnt knw hw & wat 2 loosen up, nwy. *sigh*
mg: sigh back 2 u. let's meet up soon & talk long abt dis. sum1's bday's comin up. hehe
om: yeah.. & m takn a leave on dat day.=)

there's nothing like hearing the truth (and assurance) from an old friend. makes everything alright somehow. thanks, ember. =)

Blah

2005-05-29T19:01:00.001-06:00

how long does it take for a person to finally forgive? forget his pride? heal his bruised ego? and realize that there's still something worth saving?

how do you deal with a person who seems to know more than one has shared? is it just observation? perception? understanding? are others simply that easy to read? or has somebody else spilled the beans?

how do you learn to trust a person who doesn't seem to take it seriously? are they so used to being figured out whenever they keep fibbin'? that others will always know it when they do? and how long do they think can others take it?

there's no telling what people can do...

Round, Round

2005-05-27T11:00:00.001-06:00

it's a cycle...

(click here to read my January 31, 2004 entry)

it may not be errolito, sheila, batchoy or duee... but it's about one thing all the same.

there you go.

again.

Under Construction

2005-05-09T08:44:00.001-06:00

yes, i lost all my pictures. please don't ask why nalang. kasi kahit ako, masama ang loob ko sa nangyari. so there. until i get the time and the urge to work on my blog again, eh ganito muna. ok... till next time! sana wag kayo magsawa sa pagbalik. thanks! =)

Human Nature?

2005-04-21T11:44:00.001-06:00

when you slowly and grudgingly learn to ignore people in the same manner that they do...and then all of a sudden they come back to you and give you the attention you wanted so much in the first place...

is God teaching us to be patient? telling us to take it easy? making us more accepting? asking us to wait... wait for something better He's about to give us? reminding us that we can't have everything that we want right now?

or is it a learning process for someone else? do people act only when they feel that they're about to lose something? or even when they've actually lost it? or is it just that people don't really know what's happening? or that they haven't realized it yet?

***
will you ever get tired of me?
will you ever stop caring?

i thought you did...

i hoped not...

Guess

2005-04-20T09:16:00.001-06:00

one of my favorite books...

"Sometimes, when you love someone very, very much, you want to find a way to describe how great your feelings are. But, as Little Nutbrown Hare and Big Nutbrown Hare discover in this classic picture book story, love is not an easy thing to measure!"

Blogging Since 2003

2005-04-19T10:05:00.001-06:00

316 entries. 3 urls. 3 themes. hmmm...seems more like it's been 3 years, huh? =)

2 years today!! yey!! =)

by SAM (4th of 4 entries)

2005-04-14T18:00:00.001-06:00

why do i feel like i'm such a loser? =(

by SAM (3rd of 4 entries)

2005-04-14T17:24:00.001-06:00

fate is haunting me. or so it seems. favorite kanta ng katabi at kaharap ko sa office. at gusto lang naman nilang pinapatugtog ng mga limang beses na sunud-sunod. the song's nice anyway. pero kelangan pa talaga gawan ng kwento ng katabi ko. sabi nya kanta ko daw 'to. or sana kanta daw ni marsden sa kin. pag-ibig nga naman daw o. buti sana kung hahamakin nga ang lahat. madalas ok ako. minsan hopeless. ngayon, i'm just sick of everything. lamo yun? you're so optimistic at some period of time. you pray hard for it. but then dumadating yung point na napapagod ka and you feel that everything is just not for you. pero balik ka naman ulit sa pagiging hopeful kapag na-overcome mo na yung state na ganun. *sigh* sa ngayon, i'm just tired. mahal ko sha. but i'm just tired. =(

eto na nga yung kanta.

FALL AGAIN
(Glenn Lewis)

Feels like fire, that burns in my heart
Every single moment that we spend apart
I need you around, for everyday to start
I haven't left you alone
Something about you, I stare in your eyes
And everything I'm looking for I seem to find
All this time away is killing me inside
I need your love in my life

Oh I wanna spend time till it ends
I wanna fall in you again
Like we did, when we first met
I wanna fall with you again

Ohhhhh

Fought in a battle, but nobody won
And now we face a mountain, to be overcome
You can't turn away, the past is said and done
I need us to carry on

Oh I wanna spend time till it ends
I wanna fall in you again
Like we did, when we first met
I wanna fall with you again
Yeahhh la la la la la
Whoaa

You'll try everything you never thought would work before
When you live, when you love, when you give up your all,
You can always give up some more
Baby nothing means anything
Unless you're here to share with me
I can breathe, I can bleed, I could die in my sleep
Cause you're always there in my dreams

Oh I wanna spend time till it ends
I wanna fall in you again
Like we did, when we first met
I wanna fall with you again

I wanna spend time till it ends
I wanna fall in you again
Like we did, when we first met
I wanna fall with you again

With you again

by SAM (2nd of 4 entries)

2005-04-14T10:31:00.001-06:00

bakit ako nafru-frustrate?

eh kasi! kasi! kasi!

naiinis ako sayo!
kung bakit kasi araw-araw pa nag-uusap!
(pero madalas pinapangiti mo naman ako at di naman ako nagsasawa...)
kung bakit kasi parang tayo pa rin!
(pero hindi naman...)
kung bakit kasi hindi nalang tayo pa rin!
(pero kala mo naman ganun kadali nalang...)
kung bakit kasi wala pa rin!
(eh kelan kasi...)
kung bakit kasi feeling ko na talagang ikaw pa rin!
(kahit anong gawin ko talaga...)
kung bakit kasi mahal pa rin kita!
(na kahit naiinis nako sayo, konting salita mo lang, natatanggal na galit ko...)

naman! naman! naman!

naiinis nako sa sarili ko! =(

***
first time ko manood ng Ghost (hahaha. pathetic). at naiyak ako dun sa last part.
sam: you know that i love you and i always have.
(wish ko lang sabihin sa kin to...)
molly: ditto =)
(i know of only 2 people who says this. my dad and... well, let's just call him marsden.)

***
got this while watching csi...
it is in changing that we find purpose. -heracletes-

by SAM (1st of 4 entries)

2005-04-12T09:10:00.001-06:00

Need To Be Next To You
(OST_Bounce)

Been running from these feelings for so long
telling my heart I didn't need you
pretending I was better off alone
but I know that it's just a lie
so afraid to take a chance again
so afraid of what I'd feel inside
but I need to be next to you (need to be next to you)
oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath with you (share every breath withyou)
oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see your smile each morning
look into your eyes each night
for the rest of my life
here with you, near with you
oh I
I need to be next to you
need to be... next to you
right here with you is right where I belong
I'll lose my mind if I can't see you
without you there is nothing in this life
that would make life worth living for
I can't bear the thought of you not here
I can't fight what I feel anymore
'cause I need to be next to you (need to be next to you)
oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath with you (share every breath withyou)
oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see your smile each morning
look into your eyes each night
for the rest of my life
here with you, near with you
oh I
I need to be next to you
I need to have your heart next to mine
for all the time
hold you for all my life
I need to be next to you
I need to be next to you (to be next to you)
oh I, oh I
need to be, need to be next to you
share every breath with you
oh, oh I
I need to feel you in my arms, babe (oh...)
in my arms, babe (oh I...)
I need to be next to you
oh I, oh I
(oh I...)

***
i still love him.
ever since the first time we expressed it four and a half years ago.
yes, even after i broke up with him almost three years ago.
i love him but i can't do anything about it.

ooh...i sooo hate myself. =(

Little Things That Made Me Smile

2005-04-10T10:26:00.001-06:00

ganda noh? ako ang kumuha ng pic na yan. at pinitas ko yan mula dito... (tingin kayo sa baba...)

ganda noh? kala nyo may nagbigay sa kin ano? (wish ko lang. hehe.) ako lang ang nag-arrange nyan para kay... (tingin ulit kayo sa baba...)

ganda noh? tama! para kay mama mary! nag-overnight sha sa bahay eh. ;)

***
Gorgeous: ok lang ang hindi nag-aaway
Gorgeous: ikaw kasi nasanay ka ng may sparring partner eh
Gorgeous: mas ok yung hindi nag-aaway.
Gorgeous: yung kahit tahimik lang kayo, ayos pa rin
bluebimmer: haha oo nga
bluebimmer: nakakapanibago lang
bluebimmer: masarap itong ganito
bluebimmer: :)
bluebimmer: at totoo kahit tahimik lang
bluebimmer: the conversation still is great
Gorgeous: kasi pagtanda mo rin, wala ka nang energy makipag-away. walang sense minsan eh
Gorgeous: so andun lang kyo, magkatabi. hindi nagsasalita. pero alam nyo kung ano nasa isip ng bawat isa.
bluebimmer: onga
bluebimmer: hehe..
Gorgeous: :)

Gorgeous: pag may nakikita akong matandang couple na holding hands, napapa-smile ako
Gorgeous: and i marvel at the thought na they've gone through a lot pero andun pa rin sila. la lang. hehe

Paintball!! Hooyah!! =)

2005-04-02T08:31:00.001-07:00

PRE-PAINTBALL @ PADI'S

PAINTBALL @ GOTCHA ALPADI

POST-PAINTBALL @ GRILLA

PHOTOSHOOT?

Wallow... Oh!

2005-03-26T11:58:00.001-07:00

"...me up to nothing much. causing an eruption of memories. a disruption and resurfacing of cold stone that's turned to molten lava once again. *sigh* just trying to clean my room. would've preferred to leave it as it is with all the memoirs covered in filth. now i dunno what state my emotions are in..."* wallowing in memories, i guess. happy memories that make you sad. sad memories that make you sadder. a bit depressing, huh? must be this girl thing. must be the full moon...

*part of my response to a friend's simple text of "how's ur holy week?" must've freaked her out. she probably thought twas a mis-sent message. took her quite some time before she responded with "...Mdyo nshock ako sa unang txt mo para kc akng ngbasa ng libro. Hehe..."

***
yup, i cleaned my room. just a part of it, at least. it's been years since i did that. and you can just imagine how dirty it was. if you had asthma, you would've been killed by now. and if you didn't have asthma, you would've gotten it this instant and still would've been killed by now. but i'm alive! haha! talk about being immune to something of your own.

(it's easter sunday, 325am. yes, i'm awake. perhaps it's my body being slightly aware of the cleaner surroundings. yeah right. it ain't clean. it's still dusty. perhaps it's the occasional ahem-ing that i've been doing. so much for being immune. i disrupted sacred ground! err, seemed like the ground to me. perhaps i'm not used to having my room "cologned". uh-huh. never thought of doing that before. or... it could be the band playing at 235am! nope, i wasn't dreaming. yup, in this part of the world, it happens. the "salubong" is held early morning. it's the reenactment of the reunion of the Risen Christ with the Virgin Mary. with an angel -- a dressed up little girl -- removing Mama Mary's mourning veil.)

i don't really know why i stopped cleaning my room. but i have a fairly good idea how long it's been. perhaps i didn't want to remember. perhaps i didn't want to disrupt its placement. or muddle the waters. it's like dusting away the cobwebs from a very old film reel and watching the movie again. reliving it.

i took several breaks today and in most instances i found myself staring...twirling a piece of ribbon...flipping a violet feather...bouncing a tennis ball. wala lang. it doesn't really mean anything.

cleaning my room wasn't just a chore. it was thinking. remembering. thinking. (no wonder it takes me forever...)

picture this: me getting up from the ground, dusting myself, and walking on.

*shrugging*

***
There should be an 11th commandment: Thou shalt not abandon those who love you.
[from the book The Sky Is Falling by Sidney Sheldon]

now, i never thought of that.

***
me, talking to myself...

is there something wrong?

nothing... uhm...

what?

i just didn't speak up.

well, why don't you?

...

***
hey, happy easter! =)

Vampy

2005-03-22T09:56:00.001-07:00

it's like blood on my fingers.

arrrrrr

Excerpts

2005-03-20T22:47:00.001-07:00

20050321
All endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time...
[From the book The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom]

20050321
The more you love someone, the harder it is to show.
[From the movie Coyote Waits}

20050319
Without seeing You we love You.
Without touching You we embrace.
Without knowing You we follow.
Without seeing You we believe.
[From the song Without Seeing You by David Haas]

20050313
I left him before he left me.
[From the movie Fools Rush In]

20050222
"Cor te reducit"
The heart leads you back.
[From the book The Lake Of Dead Languages by Carol Goodman]

Spongha

2005-03-18T18:20:00.001-07:00

it's a love and hate thing...

waddya lookin at, huh?!

in my dark moods, he is "punch bob!" to me...

charge!!

and when i'm tired, i use him as a pillow and hold his hand while i sleep...

one-eyed monsters. you enter, you die. hehehehe. =)

oh yeah... he ain't mine... but my seatmate's...

=)

nuninuninoo... look who's being child-like too --> click here.

My HS Best Buddy's Wedding

2005-03-11T08:44:00.001-07:00

ethel & ib had their church wedding today at the mt. carmel church in new manila.

i don't have much pics with me yet. so i'll just do with the so, so few which i took using my phone.

this is me after having my hair and make-up done.
(i feel pretty... oh so pretty...=))

my other hs buddies: sheila & ember
(before going to the church)

me with the bride

me & mom.

my favorite parts of the wedding...
...seeing ethel walk gracefully down the aisle...& seeing ib teary-eyed as he was waiting for her.
...looking at all the butterflies as they were released (from those little triangle envelopes) after the guests silently said their wishes for the couple.
...watching ethel & ib dance to love moves in mysterious ways (with soap bubbles around them).

oh, and did i mention that i caught the bouquet? =) haha! =)

Red Carpet Night

2005-03-06T21:08:00.001-07:00

office had our 3rd anniversary here in the pi. and twas like the oscars! red carpet night twas called. =)

my dsg family

bevy of beauties

me, ally, pia

me, liz, pia

dapat solo ko eh... si ac ang kulit. =)

bebes. =)

kulit. =)

nakatulog nanaman ako sa picture... tsk, tsk. ganda na sana eh. =) i'm with ally.

pia sandwiched by 2 m's (meanne in purple, me-an in aqua)

and the winner is...
(hehehe. just got a trophy for serving the company for more than 2 years. the other trophy is pia's. she was taking this pic so i was just holding it for her.)

Sweet & True

2005-02-19T20:13:00.001-07:00

bluebimmer: lam mo totoo yun sabi ni ----
bluebimmer: :))
bluebimmer: or maybe meron man tapos naiintimidate sa yo
bluebimmer: not because mataray ka
bluebimmer: but because youre of substance yourself
bluebimmer: lam mo what they say about women of power
Gorgeous: hehehe
Gorgeous: that's one of the best compliments ive ever had
bluebimmer: well i was only being honest
Gorgeous: thank you..
Gorgeous: if only they had enough courage
bluebimmer: :)
bluebimmer: haha.. meron din yan

"I'm just a girl... standing in front of a boy... asking him to love her..." --Notting Hill (1999)--

***
Gorgeous: sabi ko nga masigasig ka eh
bluebimmer: nye
bluebimmer: eh hindi ako masyado magiging masigasig
bluebimmer: :)
Gorgeous: youre good the way you are
Gorgeous: lotsa lovin
Gorgeous: hehe
bluebimmer: nakx
bluebimmer: yan gusto ko sa yo eh
Gorgeous: hehe
bluebimmer: balik ka na dito
bluebimmer: miss kita bud
bluebimmer: hehe
Gorgeous: yan ang gusto nila sa kin. hehe
bluebimmer: bolera?
bluebimmer: haha
Gorgeous: hindi ako bolera... :)
bluebimmer: sweet lang?
bluebimmer: hehe
Gorgeous: sweet and true
Gorgeous: lolz
bluebimmer: nax

*sigh* i miss you. and you. :( as sweet and as true...

Myriad

2005-02-09T10:12:00.001-07:00

of people... thoughts... stars...

WHAT I'M FEELING: sadness
something that is entirely unrelated to what i have here in this entry. or maybe not. a myriad of thoughts contributing to my melancholy. confusion. uncertainty. or maybe even anger. brought about by change (or even the lack of it).

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: all i know of love (by josh groban & barbra streisand)
Barbra: Once I found a perfect love
And you showed me everything there was
To know of love
Time will not betray the truth
And for all the years we've shared
I celebrate with you
For you...
Josh: Un giorno t' incontrai (One day I met you)
Barbra: And me...
Josh: Pensai, "adesso lei" (I thought, "now it is she")
Barbra: Will be...
Josh: D' allora insieme noi (From then on, together we)
Both: Forever

Both:You are all I know of love
How could I ask for more
You're everything I'm dreaming of
You're all I need from love
And every star above
Spells out your name
I swear I'll always feel the same
You're all I want
Barbra: From love
Josh: All I want from love

Josh: Dimmi (Tell me)
Barbra: Oooh
Josh: Che e` per l' eternita` (That it is for eternity)
Barbra: Like a memory
Josh: M' attirai ad abitare nei pensieri tuoi (You will draw me in to live in your dreams)
Con te (with you)
Barbra: You are my only heart
Josh: In te (In you)
Barbra: I loved you from the start
Josh: Noi due (We two)
Barbra: Together not apart
Both: Forever

Both:You are all I know of love
How could I ask for more
You're everything I'm dreaming of
You're all I need from love
And every star above
Spells out your name
I swear I'll always feel the same
You're all I want
Josh: From love
Both: You're all I want from love

Josh: Pensami (Think of me)
Barbra: I think of him
Josh: Perche` io sogno te (Because I dream of you)
Barbra: You'll be with me
Josh: Due cuori ed un anima (Two hearts and one soul)
Barbra: My love flows free through you
Josh: Guariti e liberi (Healed and free)
Barbra: I live my whole life
Josh: I'll live my life
Both: To be with you
You'll always be the one who taught me
Everything my heart knows to be sure
My heart knows you
You're all I know of love
How could I ask for more
You're everything I'm dreaming of
You're all I need from love
Barbra: And every star above
Josh: Every star above
Both: Spells out your name
I Swear I'll always feel the same
You're all I want
Josh: From love
Barbra: You're all I want from love
Both: You're all I know of love

WHAT I'M READING: i like for you to be still (by pablo neruda)
I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not touch you
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
And it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth
As all things are filled with my soul
You emerge from the things
Filled with my soul
You are like my soul
A butterfly of dream
And you are like the word: Melancholy

I like for you to be still
And you seem far away
It sounds as though you are lamenting
A butterfly cooing like a dove
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not reach you
Let me come to be still in your silence
And let me talk to you with your silence
That is bright as a lamp
Simple, as a ring
You are like the night
With its stillness and constellations
Your silence is that of a star
As remote and candid

I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
Distant and full of sorrow
So you would've died
One word then, One smile is enough
And I'm happy;
Happy that it's not true

WHAT I'M INCLINED TO BE: bitchy & withdrawn
i've snapped back (sometimes jokingly and sometimes not) several times in the past hour. right now, i'm just blogging. listening to my (loud) music. shutting out everything and everyone.

WHAT I'M TRYING TO BE: strong & accepting
what else is there to say or do?

WHAT I'M WISHING FOR: you
who makes me smile. who assures me that everything will be alright. a hug from you would be great too. if only you were here by my side right now...

Sunday Morning

2005-01-29T17:30:00.001-07:00

i was beginning to forget how lovely a sunday morning could be...

blame it on the fact that i always work the graveyard shift. blame it on sleepless gimik nights. blame it on grouchy (very, very) early morning obligatory family sunday mass. blame it on the recently cold clime that makes you just wanna curl up in bed.

well, today was different.

today i witnessed a beautiful day's beginning. i saw the sun shine and felt its warm rays. i felt the cool breeze that made my little nose numb & cold. there were just a few people in the streets. a kid bringing a cup of coffee to his dad. a guy setting up his workplace (yes, some people do work on sundays. and i'm glad that i'm past that.). mommies going to market. a family walking to church.

and me inside a bus bound for makati. comfortably seated by a window. reading angels & demons (by dan brown). catching glimpses of people & buildings past. feeling my cold nose & hands. hearing "tell me when will you be mine? tell me.. quando? quando? quando?" over the radio -- which reminds me of my grandfather and an uncle who listened to such old songs on lazy sunday mornings.

ahh... lazy sunday mornings...

and yet today's such a busy day. *sigh*

definitely a good one, though. =)

Age & Intelligence

2005-01-23T10:11:00.001-07:00

hmm... i thought i was cryptic? =)

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convincing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

***
yeah... the lady at 6-flags guessed the same age. hehe. =)

You Are 21 Years Old

21

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Enough

2005-01-23T08:37:00.001-07:00

no, i can't seem to let this go. i have shrugged this off since the new year. you know, when you get to think of the past year. of the people you've hurt and the people who hurt you. thinking if you've apologized enough or have forgiven enough.

forgiveness ain't so if it's fickle.

i just don't understand. there are times when i can just really let it go and i can say to myself, "yeah, i forgive you." but there are just instances when i just want to wring their necks. or even grab their collars, my face just a mere inch from theirs, eyes menacing & piercing, letting them feel my breath as i say thru clenched teeth, "will you say something! say something!"

dammit! i want them to say it! i want them to apologize! i want them to admit it! they know it! i know so. i can see it in their eyes. i can sense it in their actions. yes, when you ignore me. yes, when you act so nice to me.

you say i'm patient? now where did that come from? you think i'm patient enough with you? perhaps, since i'm still being nice to you. goodness! you don't even speak to me! i tell you i'm sorry. i try to make you understand what i'm feeling. i'm not the only one at fault here. but nothing more than a single word! nothing! i don't even know what's going on in that lil (or big? big,big?) head of yours.

you say i'm nice, i'm sweet. but do you say the same thing when my back is turned? you are so sickeningly nice to me sometimes that it turns me off. you trying to make up for all the bad things you said about me before? you think i don't know you? damn well i know you! and it's just amazing how i've tried to understand you this past year. and this is all i get!

i don't bloody deserve this.

yeah, yeah, yeah...

biatch. i'm one stupid bitch. >:(

i quote myself on this: "forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. but then, it gives you peace of mind too."

i hope i'll have mine soon.

peace!

chill.

Mon-Tue

2005-01-21T10:14:00.001-07:00

wala akong pasok sa 24-25!!! (have to use my remaining leaves for 2004). weehoo! sino gustong makipag-date? hehehe. =)

Nag-iisip Ulit Ako =)

2005-01-18T08:04:00.001-07:00

unang-una, inaantok ako. yes, i blame myself for not sleeping the moment i got home. it was too early anyway. just a mere 3 quarters of an hour after my shift. i went straight to the bathroom and took a cold shower. staying longer than usual. appreciating the biting cold. perhaps, twas what shook my body wide awake. oh well, it felt good anyway.

tapos nag-cross-stitch ako. my gosh, 2 years na 'tong crino-cross-stitch ko. and i really want to finish this. i remember thinking about a lot of things while doing it. likening it to a relationship. you see a picture you like, buy and find all the other things needed for it, work on it. it has become your passion. there are times when you get tired of it and leave it for a while. but then you always pick it up and come back to it. you remember the goal you set. the commitment you gave to it the first time you pushed that threaded needle through the weave. through endless nights you persevere. sacrificing time, sleep, effort. intertwining light & dark. feeling bright & dull. like the needle moving in an upward motion, i feel elation. and as it moves down too, sometimes you catch yourself being depressed. yet you still move on. continuously believing that, in time, your eyes (albeit tired) would behold that most beautiful piece of work. yeah... some things do take some time...

then, tumawag yung hs friend ko. telling me stuff which i didn't really know before. i welcomed it and tried to understand it. piecing every bit of information into one big picture. i thought i didn't know what she was going through. but i did. i've gone through it too. just a part of it perhaps. it's just amazing noh? timing is amazing. she came at a time when i was ready to help her. and tell her what she needed to hear.

so, ngayon, i feel lousy. slow. lazy. sleepy. i'm in front of my computer writing an entry when i'm supposed to be working by now. i'm not wearing an outfit which shouts "work!!" today. i remember the moment i opened my eyes tonight and saw 9:07 pm on my phone and wondered if i'm even going to work or even make it to work at 10 pm. i drink coffee that's supposed to keep me awake (which i'm not supposed to be drinking at all because caffeine is bad for the body and because i've actually stopped drinking it a few months back). i listen to senti music and it ain't helping much. i aimlessly ramble about stuff here, knowing that my officemate is waiting for me so she could smoke a bit downstairs. i stare at the pile of work on my desk. i think of lunch at 3 am. i envision myself wearing a bustier at the wedding of my hs bud in march and i almost choke in disgust. i make a mental note to myself: diet!!!. ~~not!!!~~ (hehe =))

mmmmmmm... =)

With Closed Eyes...

2005-01-10T19:11:00.001-07:00

...i do something that my mind has been telling me not to do.
...i let some light in. through the door i have closed. through the window i have allowed to remain shut.
...i lift, and leave, everything to you.
...i relinquish all understanding.

***
i remember hearing the song... looking outside the window... gazing up to the sky...

i didn't see the sky. i saw something which i wanted and didn't want to see at the same time. i felt stunned. i asked why... and the music just kept playing...

HANDS TO HEAVEN

As I watch you move
Across the moonlit room
There's so much tenderness in your loving

Tomorrow I must leave
The dawn knows no reprieve
God give me strength when I am leaving...

So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday

Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness

As we move to embrace
Tears run down your face
I whisper words of love so softly

I can't believe this pain
It's driving me insane
Without your touch, life will be lonely

So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday

Tonight I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness

Morning has come another day
I must pack my bags and say goodbye...
Goodbye...

Tonight I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness

Me Trouver

2005-01-09T22:50:00.001-07:00

Princess, life is filled with secrets. You can't learn them all at once.

You do not find it, it finds you...

I am going to trust that it has found me for a reason, and when the time comes, I will know what to do...

That is the definition of faith -- acceptance of that we imagine to be true, that which we cannot prove.

A little faith can do wonders... A little faith.